Conquest Vehicles

I don’t get why you would put the mullet version of Bolton on your 3 year old but whatever the reason it just looks like the final nail in the coffin. By his website it looks like he’s gone down the road of “Hey, whatever. I’ll just sing the standards for the baby boomers.” Mike, you’re better than that man. Check out this musical cluster-fuck I found on YouTube. Michael Bolton and Kenny G… T O G E T H E R! When Kenny G pulls off one of his patented run of notes on that machine gun of corniness and then Bolton slides into home with the hook—it’s pure magic. The kind you might see at a bar mitzvah. Go white men go!

I only bought 2 things but they made my receipt a Venti.

The less expensive bouquet is blurry and slightly smaller. WTF!

Check the website.

Man, they put a new sign up at the Beverly Connection. The old one was the coolest thing. All I can say is it was “totally 80′s”. I swear there’s not going to be anything left from that era. It’s really too bad. I kinda reminds me of when they took down the Ships sign. No respect man.

A photo of the old sign via Curbed: link

So I’m cruising home on Friday and what do I see poking it’s nose out of the Mercedes Benz dealership: a Smart Car. Finally this thing has come to the States.

I’ve been pining over the Smart Car for a couple years now. It’s a good little commuter car that gets a supposedly impressive 40-mpg. But, did you know there’s already a Mini that gets 50-mpg but they don’t sell it here? Is the Smart car really that smart?

Why won’t they sell the Mini here you ask. It’s all about emissions, or that’s what they say. Is the air in Paris worse that the air in Los Angeles?

Why do we always get ripped off in this country (rhetorical: the answer is of course is money). Europeans have had Smart Cars for years now. They wonder if Americans will drive them. Apparently Americans will drive a car that looks like a football before they get raped one more time at the pumps. We’ve dumped 440 billion+ into annexing Iraq so we can all have “cheap gas” here in the U.S.—oh no wait, we’re speading freedom. These same ass wipes liberators are keeping the technology from us. The Smart Car runs on 3 cylinders and it’s the size of a peanut M&M.

The Honda Insight gets 70pmg. Of course that car has been discontinued—possibly because it looked so ridiculous.

Check out the EV1 above. Seriously, soak it in. If I were driving that thing I would feel like I was being punished. That contraption is an autotmotive pillory that is only suitable for complete environmental zealots or people who own Ham radios. Why does an aerodynamic car have to look tragically laughable? Birds are aerodynamic and they look cool. I don’t want drive a car that looks like a Mexican version of the Jetsons. Call me vain, but I don’t want to look like a douche bag. I don’t need my car to say, “Hey, look at me, I’m driving the future!” I just want a car that looks like all the other cars but has something under the hood that represents that fact that we’re closing out the first decade of the 21st century. I had my first computer in ’81. It had 4k of RAM. Now, in my laptop, I have the Death Star. In 1980 the average MPG was 20. Today it’s 20. I guess cars are a ot harder than computers. Maybe Apple and Dell should start making cars so we could all catch a fucking break.

This era will come to an end one way or another but jeez…come on people.

Come on people…